I'm the one who tried to Rock This

It's my birthday on Sunday

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 15:19:59 GMT

Does anyone have a kinda big picture of a Ben autograph that includes a stick piano? It's for a tattoo. Thanks.

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 15:09:52 GMT

The girls all look the same
The girls all look the same
so
you gotta give me hope
and get me on my feet again

Some hurricane this was.

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 04:54:33 GMT

Nobody says anything interesting anymore.

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 15:24:17 GMT

Girls.

ten pianos and a choir led by jared reynolds. silly.

Sat, 16 Aug 2008 00:50:08 GMT

But the song makes me cry.

Cologne

I am almost all of those things.

Fri, 15 Aug 2008 09:14:12 GMT

Shall we kiss on the lips
Or will I say that I'm sorry?
That on any other day of the week I would have asked you back
But tonight I'm a mess
And I'm afraid that you'll worry
And it seems so easy to tell myself that, tell myself that
Tell myself that's true
But I hope it's fooling you

'Cause I tried to decide to be good when I'm lonely
But doo doo doo doodoo doo doo doodoo, I can't
When this day is full of things that bring out the worst in me
And we're both aware that I can't help but stare, but stare at you
Can't help but stare at you

And all I need is time
To grow up, to grow bored, and to grow wise, but
You're so, you're so beautiful tonight

As stories go, I don't know
I could be your anticlimax
I could disappoint you slowly but surely
And you won't know 'til you try
'Til you dare to waste your time
If I could be the anticlimax of your life

So can we sit side by side and talk about nothing?
Well, any excuse is all that I want right now
And I'm charmed and entertained by all of the strangest things
Hey, you are one
Come do your worst, but kiss me first
Then do your worst to me

Oh, 'cause all I need is time
To grow up, to grow bored, and to grow wise
But you're so, you're so beautiful tonight

As stories go, I don't know
I could be your anticlimax
I could disappoint you slowly but surely
And you won't know 'til you try
'Til you dare to waste your time
If I could be the anticlimax of your life

As stories go, I don't know
I could be your happy ending
I'm a long shot at the best of times
But then you never know, stay and see
How you might be waiting for me
And stranger things have happened and see, happened and see
Happened, we'll see

All I need is time
To grow up, to grow bored, and to grow wise, but
You're so, you're so beautiful tonight
Oh, you're so, you're so beautiful tonight

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 08:12:21 GMT

Everything is just ok.

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 14:25:49 GMT

This morning I asked myself, "Keith? What happened to your Radiohead fanaticism?"

Well, it kind of fizzled when my Ben Folds fanaticism came about.

"You're behind on it all!"

What do you mean?

"You don't play piano very well, but you play the guitar ok. And you haven't learned to play either of your favorite bands' latest releases."

So this morning, I put a stop to all of this talking to myself and I learned how to play most of In Rainbows. I think I win in this scenario, but in reality, no one wins.

No one.

This still happens.

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 04:44:14 GMT

Do you think you're wasting your time on the person you like?
Sometimes. I like where everything is going, it's just taking too long to get there.

Can you fill this out without lying?
Yes

What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
A cookie.

Have you ever kissed anyone named Matthew?
Yes. Not properly.

Can you play guitar hero?
I would never leave the house if it was here.

Name someone that made you laugh today?
Does the internet count as a person?

How late did you stay up last night and why?
I haven't fallen asleep before 6am for like, two weeks.

If you could move somewhere else, would you?
i think so.

Which of your friends lives closest to you?
Michelle and Jerry. Or maybe Dustin, now. I don't know.

Do you believe ex's can be friends?
Yes, but it is...difficult at times. (Kept.)

How do you feel about Diet Dr Pepper?
The best damn diet...no, I don't care.

When was the last time you cried?
I don't know. The days kind of run together. Recently.

Where is your biological father right now?
Really? Alive, maybe. I like to imagine he's somewhere in the Southeast part of the country.

Where are you at right now?
My room.

Who was the last person you took a picture with?
KellyCaitlin, I guess. Jacky took pictures of me, but none exist of us both. It's like it never even happened.

Was yesterday better than today?
Yes. There was fun at Jon's, and two cute girls.

Can you live a day without TV?
I don't have TV.

What are you listening to?
Bright Eyes - Light Pollution

Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
They always have been for me.

Last time you spent the night at someone's house?
Monday? "As long as you're gone by 8am."

When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?
Sunday? Saturday? Friday? Thursday? It's all the same disappointment.

What are you wearing?
Same black pants as yesterday and a blue comfy t-shirt that needs to find its way back to its rightful owner.

Where do you wish you were right now?
a not-empty bed.

Is anything bothering you right now?
Everything.

Night out or night in?
both in the same night.

Are you more of an individual or an outgoing person?
individual...do you mean shy? You seem to be comparing apples to oranges.

What items could you not go without during the day?
Food. Music (usually in CD form.) Contact (which has been missing.)

Last hug?
Fina, actually.

How do you feel about your life right now?
Getting better.

Do you hate anyone and why?
um...no, I guess I don't.

Why are you not going for the person you want to?
What a question. No more of that, please.

Are you looking forward to something as of right now?
heh. no.

At the moment, are you more warm or cold?
cold.

When was the last time you saw snow?
On the ground? at least 12 years ago. In the air? Never.

Who are your favorite people to talk to when you’re down?
Whoever it is that I'm down about.

Who was the last person to insult you to your face?
Probably my dad.

Who was the last person you sat next to?
Peter, the new guy. (He likes Dorothy!)

What did you do yesterday?
Internet, Jon's house, Walmart, Bed.

Do you smile often?
Yeah. It keeps everyone at ease.

Do you prefer an ocean or pool?
Springs.

How long is your hair?
Oh, you know. Boy length.

Who told you they loved you last?
...Jacky. I thought I said no more of that.

What color are your eyes?
Murky, unmotivated green.

That's too much knowledge for the human brain to contain.

I'd like to answer your question.

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 10:17:37 GMT

oh, words. Can't write 'em here.

EDIT: If you didn't want to talk to me, you should have just said so. I would have left you alone.

Yep.

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 14:58:02 GMT

Sat, 26 Jul 2008 07:01:30 GMT

Batman R.I.P. is supposed to change the future of the character forever. Specifically, it means "the end of Bruce Wayne as Batman."
Once it is finished in November, (I think that will end Grant Morrison's run as Batman writer also,) a new Batman miniseries is scheduled called "Batman: Cacophony."
Here's why it's special.
It's written by Kevin Smith,
and drawn by Walt Flanagan.

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 01:24:48 GMT

One thing I really like about my apartment is that I can sit down in the shower for a whole hour and not run out of hot water.

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 21:04:40 GMT

I met a couple of really great people last week. Actually, I already knew one, but I had a lot of fun doing not very much, which is one of my favorite things to do, and everything fit together very nicely. I'd like to see them more,

but

I have been asked not to. I wish I could explain why, but I don't understand the reason any more than you do.

So what do I do?

USA! USA!

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 04:26:26 GMT

Dennis Kucinich has succeeded in getting his Presidential Impeachment Hearing on the congressional docket for this Friday. Congress will be addressing only one of his 35 articles of impeachment. Not any of the articles that would remove the president or the vice president from office, just one that says they've been bad.
Jut in time, too! Whew.
Thank goodness we're taking care of this before anyone caused any real damage!

Who's going to watch it with me on tv? Wait. What? It's probably not going to be covered? Aww nuts. Really? I can't even watch it zoom by on the tickers at the bottom of the screen?

Oh, America.

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 21:38:17 GMT

My cat just made my room smell terrible and now I have to leave.

Oh, don't stop reading now!

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 06:06:24 GMT

My brain does not function on the same level as everyone else's, socially. I'm sure people don't know this, and to them it's all down to quirks that come and go as I'm able to hide them. But I can't wrap my mind around....I am unable to be anything but earnest without great, great effort when it comes to my feelings toward any person. I don't pick up on non verbal cues, I find it difficult to read between lines. My affinity for language has been my only saving grace since I learned to read. I find it unnecessary and juvenile to say one thing and mean another, and it's hard for me to imagine any grown person using "tests" or "playing games" with another. You can explain the concept to me over and over, but I'm never going to accept your reasons as valid. What's my point? I'm not sure. I just feel like I haven't addressed this before. Every moment of interaction with other people requires my concentration. This is why I take so long to choose words sometimes. The only time I can speak quickly is when I'm treating conversation like a word puzzle, or a game of wits. Crowds bother me because there is too much information for me to process, and it all becomes a vague, hostile blob. This is especially true in places that are loud and dark. There's more, but it would sound more and more like making excuses. See? It doesn't go away as you get older. It only becomes easier to cover up. Most of the time.

It's been bad lately, but...it's always bad.

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 04:48:16 GMT

WORDS!
and drugs.
I should go to bed. I've got work in the morning.
Either really cute or really creepy. That's me all over.
Girl stuff makes me crazy.
Makes me babble on the internet like a child.
I feel like I'm in suspended animation, but my mind is still going.
Figuratively.
My thoughts are circling around the girl I want. The girl I REALLY want. Not the other girl.
The important one.
Anyway. My thoughts circle around her. But I cannot act. See? Stasis. Suspended bullshit.
Wait for her.
I'm waiting. I'm good at that.
What I'm not good at is hiding the turmoil that happens to me while I wait.
We both have to be ok on our own before we can be t o g e t h e r.
The problem with that (I found the problem) is that in order to be ok on my own,
I have to stop waiting.
By the time we're both ok on our own, what if it's too late? I fear it will be. It may already be too late. It might have been too late in the first place.
Maybe if I'd done something back in high school, everything would still be ok now.
The other problem with that is I don't care. I want her to be ok AND with me. Not one or the other.
Will she ever think of me the way she did?
Will she ever want me again?
My hope is that she will. My fear is that she won't.
I feel like I've been very clear and very candid. (And very selfish.)
I called to check up on her. So...
She knows my feelings haven't changed.
Does it make a difference to her?
Or will I be her best friend for the next ten years and then have to move several states away to work up the courage to tell her I never stopped Loving her?
I'm raving.
Sorry.
Goodnight.

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 05:34:13 GMT

Ben Folds
Way to Normal

POST
PONED

New date: Sept. 30th.

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 18:28:07 GMT

Amanda Palmer's album is called "Who Killed Amanda Palmer?"
Ben Folds' album is called "Way to Normal."

They both come out on September 16th.

I don't have a manager

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 17:49:35 GMT

And I don't have a schedule.
So I've taken the day off
To watch a slough of romantic comedies.

So far, I've watched Definitely Maybe (satisfying.)
And now, Dan in Real Life (great but the ending happens 10 minutes before the movie is over.)

What's next?

Everything hurts.

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 06:37:20 GMT

I'm not over her at all.
This is like the grown-up version of the elyse thing.
And this time it was actually real to begin with.
I hope it doesn't last as long.
not like the internet I'm stealing.

This isn't a brand new development either. I just haven't talked about it until now. She broke up with me because she was broken and she couldn't be with anyone. The problem, she said, was that she still loved me and she didn't want to give up the chance of blah blah blah. So, being Keith, I decide to wait for her. Nevermind. This story is stupid.
The point is, we still talked afterwards. And it was great. But I was in Palatka when she stopped saying "I love you." And that's when I felt stupid for waiting. And that's when I really felt broken up with.

Listen, livejournal. Jacky is perfect for me. You don't find that. You just don't. I'm not perfect for her, and...it would just have to turn out that way, wouldn't it?

Jesus.
I'd talk to her about it, but why? She can't help me. She doesn't want to know.
(Although if she brought it up, I wouldn't be against that conversation.)
That's what you're here for, livejournal.
At least it's not trapped in my head.

And I'm sorry for those of you who've been with me since the first time this happened.
I promise I won't make it so painful to read.
Nobody deserves to live through broken hearted keith twice.

I need Mikey in my life, I think. I hate to tell him about this. He was almost as fond of her as I am.

I feel different.

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 04:45:05 GMT

One of those things where a switch turns off in you.
Wish it was voluntary.
But today I feel numbed.
I wonder how long it will last.
Like the internet I'm stealing.

I saw a terrible movie tonight.
Wanted?
Yeah. Awful.

Anyway, I tried to get people to come with me to see a different movie, but nobody was available. Sent out myspace bulletins. Sent text messages. Called people.
I didn't call Jacky to see if she wanted to go see Wall-E with me.
She wouldn't, I supposed.
I don't think she reads my livejournal anymore, so I'm going to write about her.
And if there was one person I could talk to about this, I would, but there isn't.
So I'm writing it publicly. All you people who barely know me are now my therapists. Just like high school. Don't take that as an invitation to give me advice.

For a while she's been taking every contact I make with her as a coded message.
I imagine it's really frustrating for her.
But none of the things I've written mean the things she thinks they mean.
Most of them don't really pertain to her.
Stupid things like facebook statuses and magnetic poetry.
I'm writing about a social vacuum that she is only a part of.
I know she understands social vacuum.
And I know she understands being lonely and abhorring contact at the same time.
I thought she understood that if I had something to say to her, that I'd say it and not be that guy who leaves stupid messages.
I'm not that guy. With her I never felt the anxiety that would make me want to be cryptic and gross.
I did record a song for her yesterday, but she knew I was going to do that.

I don't mind that she doesn't love me.
I mean, I mind, but I understand it. It's fine.
But it bothers me if she doesn't want to be my friend.
I guess I can understand that too, though, seeing how I can't change the way I act around her.
Nothing has changed since we broke up.
To her that's a bad thing because that's why we broke up. So things would be different.
But I can't change that way, I guess.
So...I'm just going to stay away, let her contact me when she's ready.
But, like I said, nothing has changed for me.
And who would want to hang around someone who can't treat you like just a friend?
Anyway, I could really use a kindred spirit right now.

Sat, 28 Jun 2008 16:32:40 GMT

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Sat, 28 Jun 2008 01:06:03 GMT

Stop reading into everything.